


Things to Avoid

by rosie_glasses



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Mpreg, clint's kinda mean bc he's emotional, i was bored, sorry if this is terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosie_glasses/pseuds/rosie_glasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times people worked really hard to make sure Clint didn't know he was pregnant and +1 when Clint is finally told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things to Avoid

**Author's Note:**

> I was just looking up all the things that pregnant people shouldn't eat and I was just like wow. How can people ever not realize they're pregnant unless people put serious effort into making sure they didn't know. And then this happened.
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> **Edit: Added a preface because something weren't really explain and while they were clear in my head, you guys aren't in my head. Which is why I needed a beta, but MINE WAS OUT OF TOWN AND YES I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT YOU LEAVING ME

 

Preface

Three hours into the flight that was taking him on his longest mis s i on since the Avengers had found out he was alive, and Clint and him had finally  gotten  together, he received a call.

"H ello, Agent Coulson? "

"Yes,  Dr. Suresh? " Coulson asked . "What can I do for you?"

"I have some news, and I wanted to share it with you before I called Agent Barton," he said. And then paused. Coulson figured it in some misguided attempt to be dramatic.

"Go on," he urged the doctor.

"Agent Barton was able to conceive successfully," Dr. Suresh finally rev ealed.

"What?" Coulson managed. At least half of his brain was in shock. However, the other half was already making plans. "Can I be the one to tell him?"

Dr. Suresh paused. "Well, that would usually be advised against. Normally, there's a list of foods and drinks that we need to notify him about, and warn against-"

"Give it to me," Coulson said. "And I'll make sure everything that has to, does happen."

"If you're sure," the doctor said, still sounding uncertain. "Okay, well, foods to avoid include-"

Coulson  listened very closely, making mental notes and keeping track. When Dr. Suresh was done, he thanked him and promised that nothing bad would happen.

He would only be gone a week, probably less, and he really wanted to tell Clint in person, so after he hung up with the doctor, he dialed up the only other person he truly trusted with Clint's life. "Hey, Natasha? Could you do me a favor while I'm gone?"

 

5

"I don't  wanna  get up," Clint whined. "Tasha, get me coffee."

Clint didn't have to look up to see Natasha shift awkwardly. "How about some Sprite instead?" she asked.

That made Clint actually sit up. "Tasha, I hate Sprite. You know I hate Sprite. And I need caffeine to wake up in the morning."

"Caffeine is really unhealthy, Clint," she reprimanded him. "Really, you should cut it out of your diet completely."

"What the hell?" Clint growled, finally getting up on his own. "I just want some goddamn coffee. Is that too much to ask?"

He got up and poured himself a mug full, and Natasha stared at him while he drank al most the whole thing in one gulp. Then he made a face. "Wait, was that decaf?"

4

"Oh, sweet, cheese," Clint grinned happily when he saw the tray that Darcy had put on the communal dining table. "It's that Brie? And feta?"

Clint grabbed a plate and started piling it high with all the cheeses he could. There were crackers as well, and flatbread pieces, and he was just happy to have gotten there before everyone else had come and devoured it all. He loaded up a  cracker with Brie  when Darcy stepped back into the room .

"Wait," she cried, and Clint stopped. "You shouldn't eat that !"

"Why not?" Clint asked, annoyed.

"They're, um, they're bad. That's why their out of the fridge; I was going to throw them away."

"Are you sure?" Clint asked, examining the cheeses on his plate. "They don’t look bad."

"They are," Darcy said, nodding fiercely.

Clint shrugged. "Okay." He dumped everything that was on his plate back onto the other cheeses, not caring about the mixing all of them, and grabbed the platter.

"What are you doing?" Darcy asked.

Clint ignored her until he got to the garbage disposal. "I'm throwing them away," he said as he dumped the entirety of the tray into the sink, feeling a sick satisfaction at Darcy's strangled cry.

As he walked away, he thought it would serve everyone right if he broke the garbage disposal. 

3

"That looks really good," Clint said from behind Steve.

It looked like St eve was about to jump, but controlled himself just in time. Clint couldn't help the grin that spread across his face; Steve was finally learning to curb his reactions.

"Thanks, Clint," Steve returned.

"Hey Steve?" Clint asked, trying to look pathetically towards the sandwich that Steve had piled in front of him. It has three different type of meant, lettuce, tomatoes, spicy mayo, and even more that Clint couldn't see . "Could you make me a sandwich?"

Steve squinted at him. "This isn't one of those joke set-ups Tony always does, right?"

"Of course not," Clint said, widening his eyes innocently, though really, this would have been a great one. "But can you? Please?"

Steve sighed. "Yeah, sure. But didn't you eat with everyone else at lunch?"

"Yeah, but I'm hungry again," Clint whined.

Steve's eyes widened and he looked like he was just remembering the key to life. "Okay, yeah, just wait in the living room, I'll bring it out to you."

"Aw, thanks, cap." Clint walked away, grinning. Man, sometimes Steve really went over the top with the whole 1940's gentleman thing, but Clint was the last one to complain about it.

Not even 10 minutes later, Steve walked out to Clint laying across the couch, eyes closed. "Clint," he said, shaking his shoulder. "Clint, I'm going to leave your sandwich on the table for when you wake up."

Clint just smiled and turned over.

Steve  sh rugged and walked away. When Clint opened his eyes after his impromptu nap, he frowned at the sandwich on the plate.

"Aw,  pb  and  j, no."

2

"Pep, can you grab me some pecans for my ice cream  while you're in there?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Pepper asked.

Clint shrugged. "Sure. I haven't had pecans  since I started seeing Phil. But Phil's out of town, so why not?"

"I'm just saying, when you go a while without them, eating them suddenly can mess with your system."

"I'm not the one allerg ic to them, Pepper, Phil is. And Phil isn't even here right now, so I'm going to get me some pecans on my ice cream because that shit is delicious."

"I'm just saying, I don't think it's a good idea," Pepper defends.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Bruce said, walking in. "We're out of pecans. In fact, we're out of almost all nuts in general." Bruce cracked a smile. "Except for Tony, but I doubt you want him on your ice cream."

"Uh, yeah, no, thank you." Clint scratched his head; he could have sworn that he had seen some pecans when he went to get cereal that morning, but he was more than half asleep without his coffee, so he could've been mistaken. "Okay, yeah, I guess."

Clint completely missed Pepper mouthing 'thank you' to Bruce, and Bruce shrugging it away with a smile.

1

"Come on!" Tony yelled over the music. "You only turn thirty once! Crack open a cold one and enjoy!"

"I'm trying," Clint grumbled, too quietly for Tony to hear. "Try telling that to everyone who too k  everything alcoholic out of my hand!" he yelled back.

Tony laughed. "I'll take care of this," he said confidently. He walked away to the bar, but was intercepted by a combination of Pepper, Bruce, and Darcy. Clint squinted at them, but even with his eyesight,  he couldn't make out what they were saying. He frowned fiercely, and not for the first time, wished that Coulson was home to celebrate with him.

And then Tony was hovering in front of him.

With a water bottle  in his hand.

"Hey, sorry. Apparently there's been a vote and birthday boys have to stay sober for their own party, " Tony said, handing off Clint's  third water bottle of the night. 

"Bet you're not looking forward to your own birthday," Clint  snarked , accepting the bottle and the inevitable: that no one here wanted him to enjoy himself at all. "It will be the first time your sober for a night in how long?"

"Rude, Barton. That just stabbed me in the heart," Stark returned. "I wouldn't talk; you could probably do without the extra calories from the alcohol. You're looking a little pudgy there."

Clint felt the tears in his eyes and blinked them back, but not before Tony saw them, apparently.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" Tony started, but Clint pushed passed him, heading for the stairwell.

There was only one place he would feel safe right now.   


He moved on to the roof.

+1

Phil sighed with relief when he stepped off the plane. The mission that was supposed to last a week, at most, had stretched to almost two. He felt  bad for leaving his  omeg \- his Clint alone for that long. Especially with the news that he had to share.

Speaking of Clint, there he was, waiting just a few feet away.

Phil smiled. "Hey, Clint," he said, and then found himself with his arms filled with his sweet-smelling omega. Phil buried his nose in Clint's neck, taking in their mixed scents that would only get stronger as the pregnancy progressed. He held Clint tighter for a moment, and then tried to release him, very aware that Clint hated to look like the typical omega in front of people.

But Clint increased his grip to counteract Coulson's release. "No," he whimpered. "Just hold on for a little while."

Phil frowned. "Clint, honey, what's wrong?"  Clint snuffled a little, and Coulson's concern increased by a tenfold. "Barton, talk to me."

"I missed you," Clint mumbled. "Everyone was acting really weird and I missed you a lot, okay?" he huffed.

Phil ran his hands over Clint's back, soothing Clint as much as himself. "But you're feeling okay? Not sick at all, right?"

At that Clint pulled back finally. "Don't tell me you're going to do this too," he said.

"Do what?"

"Act all concerned and not let me eat or drink what I want. Everyone has been so weird and I don't like it."

"Oh." Phil realized telling Natasha first, and asking her to keep an eye on him because of it, may not have been the best idea. "Well, that's because I have something to tell you."

Clint looked at him expectantly, and Phil took a deep breath. "We're having a baby," Phil said, and then waited for Clint's reaction.

He watched Clint's face go from shocked to black to eyes widening. "Oh," Clint said. "That explains so much."

"Yeah," Phil said. "They were just trying to help."

"No," Clint giggled. "That explains why I've been so horny. I thought my heat was coming on like 2 months early, and I was going to ask for suppressants if you didn't get back soon."

Phil's mind went blank. "You've been...horny?"

"Um, yeah," Clint said, rolling his hips forward so Phil could feel him already hardening. "I feel like a teenager; a strong wind could set me off."

"We  should  go," Phil said, gripping Clint's waist and dragging him away.

"Boss, you have to debrief." Clint's voice was muffled by his hand, trying  to hide his smile. "And your team is calling you."

"Don’t care," Phil said.

They just made it inside Avengers Tower when there was a sharp inhale from Clint, a slapping noise, and a yelp that was very manly from Phil.

"You told everyone before me?" Clint yelled.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys this was pounded out in like twenty minutes pls tell me if it's terrible or smt is horribly off. Comments are the best and Kudos are too :)


End file.
